Happy Doomsday!

Follow these instructions thoroughly. You will not have time to waste. Repeat the procedure over and over so that you will be prepared when the time comes.

Before we start with the procedure though there are some things you must have prepared beforehand. Take a small bag and pack these things: white chalk, icon of Christ and the Virgin Mary, a portable CD player with CD of Christian hymns inside (make sure the CD player has batteries and is working), headphones, one copy of the Holy Bible.

Do not bring your mobile phone.

The H.D.P. (Happy Doomsday Procedure) follows:

1. Get out of your house.
2. Move towards a spot that has no buildings near by. It is best if you have a clear view of the sky but if you cannot it's alright. Just stand a bit far from the buildings.
3. Now you have found your spot draw a circle around you with the white chalk you brought with you.

4. Do your Lesser Banishing Ritual

5. Place the headphones in your ears, press play on your CD player. Turn up the volume so that you cannot hear anything from the outside world.

6. Place the icon o Jesus Christ our Savior and the Virgin Mary's in front of you.

7. Open your Bible to the Book of John, Chapter 1. Start reading. You should not stop for any reason.

8. When everything starts to fall apart try not to be alarmed. It is normal. This is how it is meant to be. Remain focused.

9. In case anything approaches you (the being might not be hostile at all, as a matter of fact it would probably be friendly and thoughtful of your situation) avoid eye contact. Start reading your Bible in a loud tone but remain calm. Do not pay attention to it's prompts to run and find a cover. Do not leave your white circle for any reason. Do not invite anyone in your white circle. No one.

10. When you realize that your time comes, (and it will come do not be fooled, this ritual is for soul salvation, not your physical salvation), you can now close your eyes and visualize the moment in your life that you were most happy. Your last words should be about your soul's salvation though. Something in the likes of :"May the Lord have mercy on my soul." or "Jesus Christ my Savior" both of these phrases are very appropriate for this occasion.

This is the ritual I had promised you. I hope you will find it useful. I'd just like to add here (people ask me about this all the time), how will you know when it's time. I can safely tell you that when it's time you will know. Trust me. No one will have to tell you. You will smell it in the air.

That is all I have to say for now. If you still have questions about something I'd be happy to help you understand. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.